HURT FEELINGS… What Do You Do With Them?

imagesWe hate to admit when somebody hurts us. It’s really admitting vulnerability. Therefore, we don’t want to admit it when we are hurt. Have you ever played “Is something wrong?” at your house? You see something on your husband/wife’s face and ask,

“Is there anything wrong?”
“No, no, nothing’s wrong.”
“I can tell something’s wrong.”
“Oh, no, nothing’s wrong.”
“I know when something’s wrong!”
“Nothing’s wrong!!! Everything’s fine!”
“You’re lying through your teeth.

Why do we do that? It’s easier to admit anger than it is to admit hurt. When somebody hurts you, our typical reaction is hurt back. Get angry back. Our typical reaction is not to say, “That really hurt.” We’re not taught in our society to say, “That hurt me.” So when we get hurt, instead of saying “that hurt me” we get angry back.

We have to learn how to deal with hurt feelings. The reason you have to learn how to deal with them is because you’re going to have many opportunities to be hurt in relationships for the rest of your life.  Sometimes on purpose. Sometimes just by accident. Sometimes intentionally. Sometimes unintentionally. You will be hurt whether you get married or you’re in a friendship or whatever.

Hurt alone will not destroy a relationship, but the resentment, the unforgiveness and the bitterness that follows will. Unresolved hurt, unverbalized hurt, turns into resentment. It’s like taking a coke bottle and shaking it up. One day it’s going to explode.

The Bible makes very clear that resentment, bitterness, and unforgiveness destroys relationships. You’ve got to learn how to deal with it. If you don’t you’ve got all kinds of problems. Hiding a hurt intensifies it. Hidden hostility destroys more marriages and relationships than almost anything else. Refusing to confront and deal with our hurt feelings only delays the inevitable. Explosive anger and/or broken relationships, and possibly both.

About Ron

Ron and Anne founded the first Christian Fellowship Church in Harlingen, Texas in 1982. Ron presently serves as its apostolic overseer. He travels nationally and internationally motivating and challenging people to be effective in their call and ministry to their local church, their community, and the marketplace.

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